ONE: “Mama, guess what?”

ME: “Tell me.”

ONE: “ANOTHER boy is in love with me.”

ME: “Really. I had no idea.”

ONE: “Yep. Wants to marry me and everything.”

ME: “Interesting. Does he know you’re only 5?”

ONE: “Maaamaaa…”

ME: “Because he’ll need to check with Daddy first, and nothing breaks a heart faster than the father of a 5 year old.”

ONE: “It’s okay because he’s also in love with my FRIEND and she’s always trying to kiss him.”

ME: “Really? Like, where? On the hand, or something?”

ONE: “NO. On the lips. And he burps.”

ME: “REEEEEEEALLY? Out on the playground?”

ONE: “In the cafeteria.”

ME: “Interesting. Does she know she’s only 5?”

ONE: “Maaaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaa…”

ME: ”Well, I guess it’s nice of you to share your boy…I mean, your friend. Or whatever. I guess.”

ONE: “You know I don’t love him. I’m in love with someone else.”

ME: “Interesting. Do YOU know you’re only 5?”

Kindergarten is fast becoming a quagmire of romantic intrigue. Who loves whom. Who’s getting married to the other. Who knows and who doesn’t. The “being in love” part I can deal with. ONE has been in and out of love since she was 3. But the kissing. Man… I actually have to go into the class today to speak with the teacher about a problem ONE is having with a little girl who won’t stop trying to kiss her on the lips. “I guess she’s in love with me, too,” was ONE’s (very modest) assessment of the situation. But that was a few weeks ago. Now she’s getting upset. AND there’s so much more to the drama that I can’t share because I’ve been bound by my very first, “You can’t tell anyone, Mama. OR write about it.” (BTW: I was late posting this morning because I had to wait until my source woke up so I could verify my permissions on the above information. Everything checked out.)

The funniest part to me is that when I ask her what she thinks it means to be “in love,” she just shrugs. Nothing. It means nothing. Just another game, like dress-up or princesses or lame-o Barbie-o. I try to laugh with her about it instead of making a big deal, lest I reveal that I think she’s waaaaaaaay too young to even be speaking like this. What, being only 5 and all. But these Kindergarten influences. So many kids with older siblings. People letting their kids watch trashy nighttime dramas or trashy daytime Disney. It makes me sad and a little bit angry because each morning I send her off to school knowing that she’ll leave just a little bit more of her childishness there at the end of the day. Sometimes I deal with it better than others.

ONE: “So I played with my friend again today and she said she’s in love with–”

ME: “Seriously. WHERE is this coming from? Who’s talking about being in love?”

ONE: “You, Mama.”

ME:…

ONE: ”You’re always saying how much you’re in love with Daddy.”

Oh.

Well.

I guess there are worse things than a romantic child…